Patriotism? Let's vote on it!

Okay, you’re more patriotic than the next guy, right? Or so you say. In the absence of quantifiable proof, let’s put your high opinion of yourself to the test.

Are you registered to vote? No? Then how are you going to vote in the May primary elections? Oregon’s May primary takes place on the 16th. It’s possible other states hold their elections on different dates, but I don’t know this for a fact. I don’t vote in other states.

If you are registered to vote, are you planning to vote? No? I guess convenience defines the limits of your patriotism.

If you are planning to vote, have you familiarized yourself with all the candidates and issues so that when you cast your ballot you will do so as a responsible, well-informed voter? Or are you going to take the same approach to voting that other self-professed patriots took in the last election? You know! The one that left us holding the bag for the bad decisions and insane policies of the idiot cowboy that currently occupies the White House.

Of course, if you are registered to vote, are planning to vote, and are fully informed about candidates and issues, then you really are a patriot. You understand that patriotism is more than just waving a flag. You understand that patriotism also means getting fully involved in the political process.

Rising Gas Prices

Well, it finally happened. Today, gas prices topped $3.00 per gallon, the fourth consecutive increase in as many days. Just 45 cents to go to hit the $3.50 per gallon by Labor Day that I predicted last September. 45 cents is not an unreasonable figure. Prices have risen that much in just the past month.

Evidently, people haven’t had enough, yet. You still see them, one person to a car, mired in rush hour traffic. Perhaps no one’s driving more these days, but for damned sure few people are driving less.

Conventional wisdom says that when people are fed up with higher gas prices they’ll change their behavior. They’ll walk more, bicycle more, use public transportation more often, buy smaller, more economical vehicles, make fewer trips. Of course, conventional wisdom is sometimes wrong.

While most people would argue for lower gas prices, what we really need is higher prices, something to discourage them from driving SUVs, or even from driving at all. Higher gas taxes would serve that end, as would vehicle weight/mileage taxes and a progressive luxury tax on vehicles costing more than $25,000 (hybrid economy cars excepted).

Maybe gas rationing is the answer. If people were allotted only so much gas a month, surely they would curb their gasoline usage, either through driving more economical vehicles or through driving less.

One thing seems certain, though. If we don’t break our addiction to fossil fuels, our addiction to fossil fuels will break us. Get over it, then get on with it.

And welcome to the new reality.

Time flies when you're old enough to see the obvious.

As you’ve gotten older you probably noticed that time seems to be picking up speed, as if it were trying to leave you in the dust. Do you ever stop to think that maybe it’s just you trying to return to the dust?

Admit it! Things aren’t like they were when you were a kid. Back in the day there was time enough for everything. Those were the days when the hardest things you did were to learn to do the things you now take for granted; tie your shoes, tell time, read and write, the multiplication tables, stuff like that.

Back in the day, time slowed to a crawl as you fidgeted your way through the school day, hurried out to play, then struggled to get your homework done in time to watch an hour of television before your nine o’clock bedtime. The school year seemed to last forever, but when summer vacation finally came, it lasted long enough that by the time the new school year started, the previous year was only a distant memory.

Those were the days when you didn’t have to stop to smell the roses. You could smell them as you pedaled by on your bicycle, just as easily as you could smell the dog shit squished between your toes as you raced, barefooted, across the yard, or the aroma of fresh-baked cookies wafting from the open kitchen window as you played catch with a friend. You didn’t have to stop to do anything. Only rarely did you even slow down.

Whatever happened to those good old days, anyway? Today, it seems as if your plate is always full. Too full. You plod along, knowing that whatever remains on your plate from today gets added to your plate for tomorrow, ensuring that you won’t finish tomorrow’s tasks, either. The backlog builds; the days grow shorter.

The sun comes up, you blink a few times, go through a few motions, and then the sun goes down. There never seems to be enough time, in one day, to do all the things you have to do. But, there’s always tomorrow.

Few people who have entered into middle age will argue the point; most people agree that as they age, time seems to speed up. One day blurs into the next and pretty soon another year is gone.

I think Einstein’s theory of relativity adequately explains this time distortion phenomenon. I’m pretty sure that in there somewhere he postulated that time slows down as one moves faster through space.

The answer is simple, then. Kids move faster than aging adults do, so time goes by slower. Aging adults are slower than kids are, so time goes by in a rush.

It’s all relative.

Words that Hurt

“You’re not smart enough to be a writer.”

Stung by my father’s words, I fled the room in anger. No bee swarm could have inflicted more pain; no knife cut so deep, no fist hit as hard as did those eight words, uttered in a mean-spirited moment of carelessness some 46 years ago.

The words came in response to my simple statement that I’d changed one of my elective classes to high school journalism, journalism being as close to creative writing as one could get in those days. The first day of my sophomore year was over; at age 15 I was high on life’s possibilities, wired into the future, proud that I was beginning to take charge of my own life. Evidently, my dad wasn’t similarly impressed.

Looking back, I can see now that that’s where the problems started.

The following day I canceled the journalism class, signed up for a class I no longer remember, and proceeded to tune out of the high school curriculum. Soon, falling grades became failing grades. By the time I entered senior year I realized that school was failing me just as surely as I was failing at school.

Ironically, the two subjects that I failed were English and Social Studies, both of which would be among my top subjects were I to take them today. Sometimes the right things come along at the wrong time.

Is there a moral to this story? Of course there is.

If you are a parent, a role model, a mentor, employer, authority figure or friend, I urge you to engage your brain before you move your lips. Beware that the words you’re about to speak have awesome power, and that they should not be used thoughtlessly.

Language is mankind’s most powerful, most useful, and most commonly used – and misused – invention. Without language, few other inventions could exist.

Words of a spoken language – any language – are aural expressions of ideas. Words of a written language are made up of symbols that are visual representations of the sounds contained in the spoken word.

The words we say and write have infinitely greater power than most of us realize. Every day we use words in casual or careless ways, or in meaningful and purposeful ways, sometimes not fully aware of their incredible power.

Pundits and politicians use words to forge public opinion. Historians and futurists use words to rewrite history or shape the future. Scientists, academicians and philosophers use words to express complex theories, carry on intellectual discourse, or debate high ideals.

Words have the power to start wars or stop them, to build confidence or generate fear, to inspire to greatness or relegate to the dustbins of mediocrity, to express love or show contempt, to praise or ridicule, to wound or to heal.

When you talk to those who are important to you, beware that the effects of the words you use can last a lifetime.

Sanity South of the Border

Mexico recently announced a bill that would remove penalties for possession of minor amounts of most illicit drugs, including marijuana, peyote, LSD, ecstasy, coke, heroin and meth, among others. President Vincente Fox is expected to sign the bill into law. Way to go, Meh-hee-co. This makes the first time you've come out ahead of the U.S. since the Alamo. And you haven't even begun to tap your true potential.

The latest issue of Petey's Pipeline E-zine takes a wild guess at how global and national economies will look in the near future (10 - 30 years), and brings you the first in a planned series of articles advocating hemp legalization. Look for more writing tips for aspiring Web page writers, too.

Altered States

When health issues forced some major lifestyle changes on me a few years back, I couldn’t foresee what profound and lasting effects they would have on my life. In retrospect, I have to say that there was probably as much good to come out of them as bad, so I’m not complaining. Not too loudly, anyway. I think it has something to do with being able to turn whatever lemons life delivers into orange juice.

Knocked for a loop by a triple-whammy of chronic pain, chronic sleep deprivation and chronic fatigue, holding any kind of job was out of the question. Apparently, so were Social Security or Supplemental Security benefits. The loss of income was devastating and, slowly, my support infrastructure began to crumble as my savings drained away.

One of the first things to go was my car, a 1985 Honda CRX. In need of a clutch that I couldn’t afford, insurance I couldn’t afford, and license tags I couldn’t afford, it made more sense to sell it than it did to park it and let it devolve into a pile of rust. With the proceeds from the sale I paid a month’s rent, updated my eyeglasses prescription, and bought a used Gary Fisher mountain bike, among other things.

Being afoot, being unemployed (and unemployable), being broke, and getting evicted all had hidden benefits, as I would later discover.

Being afoot taught me that a bike is a good substitute for a car, and that it’s possible to break one’s addiction to oil. It also got me acquainted with neighbors I might not have met, otherwise.

Being unemployed taught me that entrepreneurship has potentials and advantages not shared by traditional employment.

Being broke inspired creativity and resourcefulness, and taught me that I really didn’t need all the things I thought I did, and that by consuming less I was helping to save the environment.

Getting evicted taught me that once one leaves the perceived safety and comfort of a toxic mold-infested home behind it’s actually possible to get well.

Yes, there’s been adversity, and an ongoing struggle to overcome it. Still, adversity hasn’t been all bad; unpleasant as it is, it’s given me some valuable lessons, provided new insights, changed attitudes, opinions, perspectives and values.

But what adversity has given me, most of all, is hope.

That, and a royal pain in the neck.

Child Safety on the Internet

On-line sexual predators are such a pain in the ass, aren’t they? And not just our ass, but sometimes our kids’, too.

Worried about your kids’ safety, you’ve begged your ISP, threatened various domain hosting companies, written intimidating letter to ICANN, and petitioned the Supreme Court to write the First Amendment out of the Constitution, all to no avail. What’s a concerned parent to do?

Well, worry no more. Now there’s a strategy you can use to keep your kids from accessing online pornography, inappropriate chat rooms and questionable Web sites that are frequented by online predators -- sites like MySpace.com, for instance.

Surely you’ve heard about MySpace.com, that teen-oriented Web site where members can advertise their virginity, vulnerability and availability to lure legions of unsuspecting pedophiles to their doorstep. It’s been in the news, often, as of late.

You say you’ve tried everything you can think of, but your teens and ’tweens are still chatting up every ‘Chat Room Charlie’ with minimal social skills and a maximum amount of stupid and a hankering for fresh, young meat. You’ve tried everything, but nothing seems to work.

Oh, ye of limited imagination, ye of little faith! Here’s something I’ll bet you haven’t tried, something I guarantee you will work.

Keep your kids off the Internet. Problem solved!

That’s right! If you’re really concerned about your child’s safety and you’re half the responsible parent you pretend to be, simply forbid your child access to the Internet. Problem solved!

Show some balls, Mom! Don’t be a pussy, Dad! Your child’s safety and welfare are your responsibility. Don’t try to fob your parental duties off on anyone else. Don’t expect others to sacrifice their Constitutional rights because you lack a spine.

Maybe we should start limiting online access in the same way we limit access to cars. No one takes the car out for a spin until they’re old enough. In the case of Internet access, 18 would seem about right.

Problem solved!