Monday, July 24, 2006

Frat Boy Spreads Redneck Diplomacy

Redneck diplomacy seems to be the Bushwhacker’s forte, if not his stock in trade. At the recent G-8 Summit conference in St. Petersburg, Russia, Duhbya revealed a public persona more in line with drunken frat boy antics than with diplomatic professionalism. His bad manners and social ineptitude are disgraceful to the nation he represents, proof positive that he shouldn’t be allowed out in public sans straight jacket, a suitable amount of duct tape covering his roll hole, and an able handler jerking a very short leash.

“Yo, Blair!” Hey, the cameras were rolling, and Bush has never been one to miss a photo op. What’s really pathetic is that he feels the need to show off every chance he gets. Even more pathetic is that he assumes that frat boy identity whenever he can, which seems to be just about all the time. Of course, British Prime Minister Tony Blair’s perfect response would have been, “Yo, Yo-yo,” but he passed up the opportunity. No, I don’t think Blair is as slow-witted as Bush is. I think he just values his dignity more.

Bush then began a conversation with Blair, demonstrating an acquired ability to talk with his mouth full. At one point, within range of an open mike, he uttered a word that sounded suspiciously like “shit,” although it could have been “Shiite.” It’s hard to tell what one is saying when one is trying to talk around and through a mouthful of partially chewed shit. Someone said that Bush was eating a roll, but you know those neo cons – always trying to make things sound better than they are.

These were carefully calculated moves designed to impress on the world’s most powerful leaders that Americans are, at heart, boorish, uncouth, uncultured heathens. If Bush impressed the Europeans as much as he impressed me, he was a total success.

Later, he drew attention to his vast knowledge of geography by proclaiming both Russia and China to be big countries. Still, it’s doubtful that he could find either one of them on a World Atlas unless they were clearly labeled in 24-point type.

After all this, Bush had only to give his encore performance. And a striking performance it was. After carefully maneuvering into position behind German Chancellor Angela Merkel, he struck with the speed of a cobra, hands going to her neck and shoulders. No, he wasn’t trying to strangle her, only give her a neck and shoulder massage. Stupid frat boy stunt = sexual harassment. Jeeze, if she would have done that to him, Bush’s protection detail would have gunned her down.

How does one go from Animal House to the White House? It’s easy when you have daddy’s money at your disposal and the support of powerful friends. And a high percentage of ill-informed voters. And Diebold voting machines. When you put them all together, they become an unbeatable combination.

Now, here’s another question. How does one get from the White House to the big house? Don’t stress on it. Sooner or later, I think the Bushwhacker is going to show us.